


linger like a tattoo kiss

by laehys



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Idol-Verse, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sketches, Slow Burn, drawing on ur bro as a form of flirting before u finally get to kiss him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29155203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laehys/pseuds/laehys
Summary: Holding the pen in one hand, Renjun traces the lines on his sketchbook as if he was caressing Jeno's own body. Maybe one day he'd get close enough to do that.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Comments: 27
Kudos: 263





	linger like a tattoo kiss

**Author's Note:**

> finally !!!!! this took me MONTHS to finish and i've been promising that i'd do this since september but !!! it's finally here !!!!!!!
> 
> a very big happy birthday to the amazing ena <3 thank u for making this idea be born and for being such an amazing person and presence in my life!! meeting u has been such a great joy and i wish u all the best always <33 happy birthday!!! <333

It’s only because he wants to appreciate the art that's being made, Renjun tries to reason with himself. There’s no ulterior reason why he must be staring so hard at Jeno like that. It’s only because he’s interested in the art and because Jeno has his eyes closed and can’t see that he’s looking so hard.

That’s it.

And nothing else.

Yet, even after the tattoo artist has left and the make-up staff is finishing applying eyeshadow on Jeno, Renjun simply cannot look away.

Adorning Jeno's entire neck is an intrinsic fake tattoo of a dragon opening its mouth wide open as flames spread across the rest of his neck, dipping low to settle on the base of his throat, the ends of the flames licking at the top of his collarbones that are barely hidden by the thin and frayed sleeveless black shirt he wears.

Jeno was, undoubtedly, an attractive guy. Renjun had seen him in every situation — had seen him after waking up, eyes all scrunched up and dazed, hair sticking up in every direction; had seen him all dolled up for photoshoots, not a single strand out of place and face full of make-up; had seen him in the evenings at the living room of their dorm, barefaced and laughing, joy almost dripping out of him.

But that — that is something else. Something different.

They've had edgy concepts before, the ones that would lean more to the " _bad boy_ " side, but nothing ever that extreme.

Jeno has a fake neck tattoo and heavy reddish eyeshadow, lips all pink and glossy, a fake piercing stuck with make-up glue under his eyes, right where his mole is. Renjun doesn't have anything as extreme as the tattoo — merely a lip ring and heavy black eyeshadow, hair dyed back to black and long enough for him to tuck behind his ears.

The members were all in a similar fashion: Chenle was very happy with his black hair and the fake tattoo that spread from his shoulders to his neck and the side of his face, finishing at his ears, while Jisung had his hair half white and half blue, a lip ring on the corner of this mouth, and smudged blue eyeshadow under his eyes. Mark, on the other hand, had an undercut and messy red lipstick, his nose and eyebrows pierced and glinting under the lights.

Donghyuck's ears were full of fake piercings and earrings, dangling until they reached the top of his shoulders, his purple eye make-up making a pair with his purple hair. On the other hand, Jaemin didn't have any earrings on, but he had eyebrows piercings and the one thing that, besides Jeno's tattoo, they all knew would be a big discussion among fans: nipple piercings that could be seen through the mesh black shirt he wore.

They had all laughed and talked a lot, making bets and wondering which look would shock the fans the most. Jeno's neck tattoo seemed to be the one winning, even though Jaemin complained that if the lights shone _just right_ it seemed like lasers were coming out of his chest. Jisung chose not to comment about that.

Still, they all were looking more than edgy and alternative, using outfits that Renjun had no idea how to put on without the help of their stylists, accessories weighing them all down and making clinking noises every time they bumped against each other. They all were looking like that, but Renjun just can't stop looking at Jeno.

 _It must be the art_ , he thinks over and over again, eyes raking the entire expanse of Jeno's neck. Art always interested him, so it isn't different this time. Even though he isn't looking with the same intensity at the other fake tattoos on the other boys and is entirely focused on Jeno but—it's the art. It needs to be appreciated.

They all fawn out over the finished result, taking pictures and showing Jeno how it looks. How good it ended up being. How he doesn't need to worry because the fans will go crazy over it. Jeno nods his head, biting his lip, and swipes through all the pictures they show him, from all the angles they had taken them, but there's a little furrow on his brow that doesn't go away.

So Renjun clears his throat, feeling a little funny and like he just can't turn his eyes away from the neck tattoo to even look at Jeno in the eye. Suddenly, the room is a little bit too hot. He had been sure the air-conditioning was on before.

"It looks good," Renjun says, wincing a little when his voice almost breaks at the end. He clears his throat again. Jeno's full attention is on him. He can see it, can see that his eyes are fixed on his face and hanging on every word that comes out of his mouth. Renjun tries hard to look at the fake piercing where Jeno mole is. "Really. Don't worry about it. If anyone here could pull this look it would be you. And you did."

It almost feels like an entire year passes by before Renjun can take a deep breath, but he just blinks and—Donghyuck is slapping Jeno on the shoulder, laughing out loud as he says, "It's good, don't worry, Jen. If people love it, I'll do the fake tattoo for the stages, then," he finishes with a wink before moving away.

Jeno looks away from Donghyuck's back and fixes his gaze on Renjun again. His voice is soft when he says, "Your piercing looks good too."

Renjun feels very self-aware of it now, of the lip ring on the middle of his lower lip. The make-up artist had smudged dark red lipstick over his lips before putting the silver ring right there, and now it feels like it weighs something — especially when Jeno keeps looking at his mouth. He holds himself back from biting his own lip, from licking over it and feeling the cold metal against his tongue.

"Thank you," he ends up saying, swallowing heavily. "It looks okay, I guess?"

Jeno doesn't look away from his mouth when he answers, "It does."

* * *

Jeno had told them he was worried his neck would be marked because of the ink used to draw his fake tattoos, but it all ended up being for nothing as the ink washed away very quickly and left nothing behind.

The downside with that was that the make-up artists needed to retouch his fake tattoo after every rehearsal because of the sweat that would wipe parts of it away, turning into something time consuming that would make Jeno apologize every time the staff was working on him while the rest of the group waited on the side.

On their second day of promotions, Renjun just can't take it anymore. He doesn't like to see Jeno apologizing for something he can't control and feeling that sorry when they should be celebrating and being ecstatic about how well their comeback was being received.

So Renjun puts his phone down, ignoring Jisung's inquiring noise from his side, and walks close to where one make-up artist is crowding around Jeno, holding a marker as she stares at the reference paper in her hand, the picture of Jeno's tattoo printed there.

The other two make-up artists are busy with Jaemin and Chenle, but time is ticking and they all need to be ready soon. It only makes sense.

"I can help," Renjun says, shuffling close to them both. Jeno opens one of his eyes to see him, though his head is still tilted back and with his neck bared. "I know how to draw, so I can help here."

The make-up artist isn't very enthusiastic about letting Renjun take over her job, but Renjun tries to convince her in the best way he can until she accepts.

"Do you mind?" He asks Jeno, looking down at him nervously, holding the marker in his hand.

Jeno only shakes a little bit of his head, quickly licking over his lips. He immediately closes his eyes again and keeps his neck tilted back, his head leaning against the wall behind him.

It's a difficult angle for him, even though Jeno keeps his head back, so Renjun tries his best to draw and complete what the make-up artist had already started. He feels his heart beating fast and suddenly his mouth feels too dry. It isn't something new for him to be that close to Jeno, but it feels like there's a different weight over him now.

Jeno's eyelashes have been curled and styled already, his make-up all finished with soft reds and browns over his eyelids and smudged under his eyes, eyeliner tying it all together. And Renjun watches it all, his gaze going across the features until he reaches Jeno's soft-looking lips, all pink and soft because of the lip tint and chapstick, until Renjun can lower his eyes to Jeno's neck and finally, finally, touches the tip of the marker against his neck.

The reaction is immediate — a shiver runs through Jeno. It would be almost imperceptible if Renjun wasn't so close, watching his every movement and reaction, so Renjun can only watch as goosebumps spread across Jeno's skin after the first brush of the marker.

After that, Renjun feels his mind go empty. He doesn't think anymore and only draws. He looks from the referenced picture to the canvas in front of him, tracing the lines and trying his best to recreate them on Jeno's neck, following the natural lines of Jeno's body and molding the drawing in a way that would fit him best.

He doesn't dare touch Jeno. Besides the tip of the marker that dances over his skin, Renjun grips the paper in his hand hard enough to crumple it. His heart beats fast against his ribcage, singing in a way he doesn't fully understand yet, and he wants to take hold of the side of Jeno's face, to have it touch the palm of his hand as he guides his head in a way that would make it easier for him to draw — but Renjun doesn't dare to touch him.

He's brought back to reality by a hum that sounds too close to his ear, and it's only because he freezes in place that the marker isn't dragged across Jeno's neck and ruins the fake tattoo. When Renjun looks over his shoulder, the make-up artist is watching him closely, nodding her head.

"Yes," she says, voice sounding a bit awed. "You really did a good job."

Renjun nods his head, murmurs his thanks, and gives the capped marker back to her. He suddenly feels open, vulnerable. Was she paying attention to him? Did he do something wrong? Did he stare too hard at Jeno?

Brought back by her voice, Jeno blinks his eyes open but doesn't move his head. "Did you finish it all?" He asks.

"Yeah," Renjun breathes out. "It's finished."

Jeno moves his neck side to side, stretching out, before he gets up from his uncomfortable plastic chair and stops in front of a mirror, watching his reflection. Renjun watches his backside, feeling his heart thumping even faster, louder. He's sure someone must be hearing it all.

Jeno stays watching for a moment. He lifts one hand up and almost brushes it against the fake tattoo before he stops himself. Renjun sees on the reflection that Jeno doesn't look away from his neck. Behind him, some of the boys that aren't having their make-up done are busy playing games together on their phones, shoulders brushing together. Renjun feels like he's stuck in between two different worlds right now.

Jeno doesn't turn back, but he meets Renjun's eyes across the mirror. The heavy eyeshadow and all styling make him have a striking look, drawing all eyes towards him.

"You did a very good job, Renjun-ah," he says, heavy gaze, voice saying the words carefully — almost as if something was hidden behind it all.

It's just a simple compliment. Something small that Renjun did. Something to get them all time. And, still, Renjun can't help but feel his stomach twisting into knots, something warm exploding inside of him.

"Thank you," he answers back, looking to the side and breaking their eye-contact.

He isn't flushing — his make-up does a good job of hiding anything like that —, but Renjun feels flustered and like he lost his footing. He goes back to his original place, picks up his phone, and scrolls wildly through a random social media, his brain not picking up anything he's seeing.

He can only think about Jeno's neck, about him drawing his fake tattoo, and how much he had wanted to touch him.

* * *

The next day, Renjun helps again.

 _It's only for the good of the group_ , he tries to convince himself. There's no ulterior reason for any of that. Not a reason at all.

He doesn't dare to touch Jeno. He barely does anything but whisper a " _Turn a little bit more_ " or a " _Now look at the other side_ " as he holds the marker in a tight grip. Jeno easily follows his orders.

In a way, it _does_ make things easier for all of them — now that the make-up artists don't have to worry too much with Jeno’s tattoo, they can get the other boys ready a lot faster. Jeno doesn't say anything about the new arrangement and only lets Renjun do whatever he wants, keeping his head steady and his eyes closed as Renjun works. And Renjun gets brave enough to sit down next to Jeno on the small couch; even though their legs aren't pressing together, and their bodies aren't touching, Renjun feels nervous and his grip falters around the marker.

Later that day, when they're back at their dorm and have all freshen up, hair still a little damp and faces flushed, Jisung approaches Renjun who was sitting on the couch with his sketchbook cradled close to his chest.

"Hyung," he says, carefully. "Do you want to practice drawing the tattoo on me?"

Even though Renjun had tried to be careful, it had been impossible for Jisung not to catch a glimpse of him drawing on his sketchbook when they shared a small room. But Jisung had never asked him about it or mentioned anything when Renjun would hurriedly close the sketchbook or turn away, shielding his work from him.

Surprised with Jiusung’s appearance and request, Renjun closes the sketchbook tightly as he clutches it against his chest. "What?"

Jisung shuffles a little in place. "The fake tattoo. Wouldn't it be better to practice on someone than just drawing it on paper?"

"I guess..."

When Renjun doesn't continue, Jisung huffs a little. "I'm offering myself so you can practice, hyung," he says, and then smiles a little, his tone getting slightly teasingly, "the fans will probably discover that you're the one drawing the fake tattoos, so we need to make sure you're doing a very good job, right?"

"So are you saying I did a bad job on them?" Renjun asks, arching one eyebrow. He knows Jisung doesn't mean any of that, but he can't help but tease the younger a little, especially when Jisung widens his eyes and flounders around.

"No, no!" Jisung exclaims, moving his hands fast. "I didn't mean any of that! It's just that... that I know you want to do a good job... and working on paper is very different so... if you aren't going to practice with anyone I guess that—I guess I can _try_ to help you..." He finishes, shrugging his shoulders, as if Renjun had been the one asking him for a favor instead of him proposing that all by himself.

Renjun smiles gently. "Okay, Jisungie, you can help me. Come here, I'll make you look very badass." Jisung sits down on the couch next to him, back all straight and tense as he waits, and Renjun can't help but chuckle. "Relax," he says. "This won't hurt. It’ll probably just be a little ticklish."

And _that_ grabs Jisung's attention. He turns his head to the side, opens his mouth, and only a " _Hyung_ —" comes out before the tip of the marker makes contact with the bare skin of his neck and he cuts himself short. Jisung knows it's too late to change his mind now, so he relents quickly to his fate and slouches back against the couch, lips pursed in what almost seems like a pout.

A little silent laugh escapes Renjun before he gets focused on his work, sketchbook abandoned on his other side on the couch. Jisung squirms a little, complaining about how cold the marker feels, how tickling it all is, how he can't handle this at all and, maybe, practicing on paper wouldn't be that bad after all. Maybe Renjun should go back to that.

Renjun only laughs it all off, using one hand to hold the side of Jisung's neck and try to keep him in place and still.

"Stay quiet," Renjun says, even though his tone isn't angry. It's more amusing than irritating to see Jisung shivering and shying away from the marker every time it comes close to his neck again. "You're making this a lot harder than it needs to be. Jeno doesn't even move—"

"It's too ticklish!" Jisung exclaims, moving his head to the side and almost ruining the entire work that Renjun was doing. Renjun huffs, pulling down his hand.

"Jisung-ah, if I make a mistake I'll have to clean it up and then we'll have to begin again, so it'll only take longer and—"

" _Jeno-hyung!_ " Jisung exclaims suddenly, whipping his head fully to the side. The yell catches Renjun's attention and he looks in the direction Jisung is facing, finding Jeno just walking towards the kitchen area, already in his pajamas and phone in hand.

Jeno freezes in place with Jisung's calling of his name, prying his gaze away from his phone. He looks at them both with a furrow on his brows. "Yes...?" He asks cautiously, eyes inspecting the scene.

Jisung pries Renjun's hands away from his neck, getting up from the couch. "I don't know how you can do it," he complains, whining out. "The marker is too cold, it makes you go all—" Jisung makes an imitation of a full-body shiver, shaking his head in the end, "—you can't stay still! It's impossible! You just can't!"

Observing the scene for a little more, Jeno finally speaks up, the phone in his hand turning black as the screen locks automatically. "Then why are you doing this if you don't want to?"

"I'm helping Renjun-hyung! Practicing on paper is a lot different than on someone’s body so I'm making sure he can do a good job! But I guess he'll have to stay with paper because..." he stops his tirade, looking down at Renjun, suddenly frowning, his eyes widening. "Sorry, Renjun-hyung, but I can't do this. It tickles too much."

Renjun only laughs, capping the marker in his hand. "It's okay, Jisungie. Don't worry about it."

He doesn't look in Jeno's direction. Instead, he picks his sketchbook back up and flips quickly through the pages, listening as Jisung whispers another _"Sorry_ " and goes away to wash away the fresh ink, murmuring something with Jeno that was too low for Renjun to pick up.

Renjun opens on a new blank page. He twirls the closed marker between his fingers, humming a little to himself as he thinks about what he could draw. Maybe he'd try a new design, something else that would also suit Jeno's stage presence.

He's too focused inside his own mind, thinking of all the possibilities, that he doesn't hear Jeno's voice until he stops in front of him and repeats his name, voice soft and inquisitive, " _Renjun_?"

Renjun looks up, a little startled. He licks over his lips and puts his sketchbook down, the pages facing his lap and away from Jeno's eyes.

"Yeah?"

"We can practice together if you want. If—if won't be a problem for you, you can try to draw on me to be sure of everything and all. Before you do it for real for the performances... I wouldn't mind that."

Renjun hesitates for a second. There, in their living room, looking up at Jeno as he talks, hair still damp and curling over his forehead, Renjun feels his heart picking up its speed again. He's not too sure because of what—Jeno is just there, barefaced and stripped away from any idol glory, just a normal boy in his pajamas and fluffy hair, offering his body so Renjun could practice his drawing.

It didn't have to mean anything more than that. He'd done that already with Jisung just earlier. It would be just some drawings. For the performances. To make sure he'd do it all right. Only that.

"Okay," he says, feeling something heavy settling on the pit of his stomach. "We can do that."

"Great," Jeno replies, smiling softly. He's looming over him, standing up while Renjun is sitting on the couch, but Jeno just looks gentle and kind, nothing dominating, nothing scary.

Renjun nods his head, lifting up his sketchbook to his chest again as he watches Jeno nod back to him before he goes away, unlocking his phone as he goes back to do whatever he was doing before in the kitchen.

* * *

Jeno is the one who goes after him first.

Renjun helps with his fake neck tattoo for their stage that day, but most of it is actually done by one of the actual make-up staff, so Renjun only does some of the little details before he's pulled aside to have his own fake piercings put on and his make-up retouched.

It's a pre-recorded performance, so when they finish the recording, they rush through all the clean up so they can go faster back to their dorms and call it a day.

After a late dinner, when they're lazing around and doing nothing, Renjun goes back to his room to get ready to sleep early. With all their crazy schedule, whenever they find the free time to actually sleep more than three hours a day, it's almost a crime to not make use of it.

He's rearranging his sheets, trying to find that cool, little orange shark pillow that he shared with Jisung (but had vanished after it was kicked out of bed when they were playing around), when someone clearing his throat calls his attention.

And, _of course,_ it's Jeno.

He's swaying on the balls of his feet, looking a little nervous as he tugs at the ends of his big hoodie. His hair is all down and soft-looking.

"Hey," Jeno says.

"Hey."

Renjun fixes the rest of his sheets, sighing in defeat when he doesn't find the stuffed shark. It's been over a week and there’s no sign of him yet.

"Are you busy now?"

Renjun shakes his head. "Why?"

"Do you want to practice the tattoo thing now or are you too tired for it?"

Renjun pauses. He could turn Jeno away and get some very needed hours of sleep but... if he wanted to make an impact and make sure he did a good job, then he needed that practice. He couldn't just show up the next morning and wing the design of a new tattoo on the spot — not when the fans knew he was the one drawing them and his name would be involved. He had to make sure it was a good job.

So Renjun nods his head. He pats his bed, silently inviting Jeno forward, and rustles through his drawer so he can find a marker or something to draw on Jeno.

Jeno pads silently in the direction of his bed, smiling a little as he lowers himself down and rests his hands upon his knees, his back all straight.

Renjun rolls his eyes. "Stop that. You're acting just like Jisung did—why are you so nervous and looking like this? Just _relax_."

It was easy to say that when he could turn his back on Jeno and continue searching for something to use, swallowing heavily as he tried to calm his racing heart.

When he turns back, Jeno is looking a little flushed, the tip of his nose and top of cheeks pink, and when Renjun gets closer to see him, he sees that the ends of Jeno’s hair are wet; he must have just washed up before coming to him.

“Okay,” Renjun says, clutching tight an eyeliner pencil in his fist. “How are we going to do this?”

“Isn’t it supposed to be just like you’re already doing?”

“Okay,” Renjun repeats, nodding. “Okay.”

They get into positions. Jeno leans his back against the wall, his legs drawn close to his chest as he arches his neck. Renjun tries to do his job, but the eyeliner isn’t as sharp or precise as the marker he’s used to, so he furrows his brows in even more concentration, trying to do the lines just in the right way he pictures inside his own mind.

Jeno notices his struggle, barely opening one eye before he rests his hand over Renjun’s wrist and stops him in place. He pulls Renjun’s hand away from his neck, but before Renjun can even open his mouth to ask the reason why, Jeno is parting his legs a little and Renjun’s mind short-circuits.

Jeno opens his legs to make just enough space for Renjun to shuffle forward on his knees and get closer to him, for him to be able to draw with a steady hand and less of a struggle.

So Renjun goes.

Nothing is said as Renjun gulps down and moves, holding the eyeliner pencil so tightly that, for one moment, he’s afraid he’s gonna snap it in two. But that never happens and Jeno only tilts his head back again, resting it against the wall as he bares his neck for Renjun to work on it.

Renjun stares a little before he does anything. It’s impossible for him not to do it right there.

There’s no one around them, no one to see and judge him for ogling the boy right in front of him, for mapping the features he’s so familiar with and feeling his belly explode with all the warm and fuzzy sensations he never expected to ever feel just with a look.

The Jeno in front of him is different from the Jeno he usually works on — this Jeno is the soft one, the one that laughs out loud and snorts unashamedly, not the one who looks over his shoulder after a camera or doesn’t dare to pull out his phone in public. This Jeno lets him eats his candies even though he pretends to complain but always stock more of them in the same place.

But both of them make his heart race and palms sweat, stomach dropping with just one look.

Renjun finally gets into work when Jeno’s eyelashes tremble a little, the hint of him almost opening his eyes again, startling Renjun out of his stupor and making him begin to sketch something on Jeno’s neck.

Nobody had seen the way he stared, nobody had seen the way he went red. No one could call him out on that. Jeno continues with his eyes closed, hands splayed open over his thighs. Renjun tries his best to focus, but he just can’t help but let his own mind wander when he’s so close to Jeno like this.

* * *

Somehow, drawing a daily fake tattoo turns into hidden sketching that turns into asking Jeno to keep a certain position or turn to the other side.

Renjun doesn’t know how they progressed to that point.

Promotions are close to ending, but Renjun doesn’t feel the usual tiredness that comes with the end of a promotional cycle. He feels restless. Energetic.

Inside their van, while stuck in between schedules, sometimes he’d wipe out his sketchbook and roughly draw Jeno’s side profile, ordering him out loud to not move his head. On his side, Chenle would huff loudly and stuck earbuds inside his ear while they waited for the other members to come back with the food they were ordering from a restaurant.

On their dorms, Jeno would come after him with a bowl of popcorn in his hand and ask him about watching a movie together. They’d start the movie, but almost never finish it. Jeno would sometimes end up falling asleep in the middle of it or they’d change to something else — Jeno would play something on his phone while Renjun carefully sketched his form, lines creating the shape of Jeno’s body in the best way Renjun knew how. When he got more daring, he’d bring out the paints and make Jeno stay there for longer.

He didn’t complain. Renjun asked him about it.

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” He had asked Jeno before uncapping the paints, licking over his lips and quickly glancing over in his direction.

Jeno had only shaken his head, a smile playing on the corner of his lips, laying down and completely relaxed on his bed, one earbud inside his ear. “Nah,” he had said, running a hand through his hair before he clutched his phone with both of them and returned to his game. “I’m okay.”

So Renjun would paint him. He’d tried oils and watercolors and pastels. Jeno didn’t like the pastels — he said that they made a mess in his room and he had to vacuum after.

Sometimes he’d sketch him on a random piece of paper, paint him on a canvas, draw on his skin. Jeno said it was a little ticklish, but he never moved, even after saying that.

Renjun nodded his head and they kept going. He’d try to create new designs, sketch them on his iPad, and show them to Jeno. He’d draw them on his skin and they’d contemplate together while looking at the mirror, just to wipe them off and start again. Renjun liked the entire process but, most of all, he liked to watch Jeno’s face when he particularly enjoyed something and was looking for the right words to express it.

It made Renjun want to draw only the prettiest things to make Jeno speechless.

Paper, digital, canvas, skin — it didn’t matter. Jeno seemed to be always up for it. Sometimes it would be Renjun bringing the ideas, but sometimes he’d be the one with an image screenshotted on his phone and a soft voice asking “ _Do you want to try this one?_ ”.

It was their thing and everyone knew it. The members didn’t ask them about it and Renjun was glad about it — he wouldn’t know how to answer any question they might have had.

* * *

It’s Jeno who brings up the idea of painting on his back.

Renjun had seen some pictures like that, had wondered even, but it felt like crossing a line to ask Jeno to strip out of his shirt just so he could have his back painted. Renjun also knew who usually painted those, he’d seen the posts online — girls with their boyfriends. And they were none of that.

Still, Jeno shows him a compilation of pictures he had saved and, before he knows it, there’s a movie playing in the background, but Jeno is lying shirtless on his bed and Renjun is clutching tight the palette in his hands.

And what can Renjun do but climb up on the bed?

He holds his breath as he looks down at Jeno's muscled back, wondering what he should do before he settles for sitting next to his torso.

"It'll probably be cold," Renjun warns him before the brush makes its first contact with the skin.

Jeno only hums as an answer, though Renjun can see the way he flexes his muscles a little with the first contact, relaxing right after.

It's a relaxing thing — even more for Jeno, Renjun imagines. From where he's sitting, Renjun can make out little from Jeno's expression, but he's breathing deeply and his body isn't tense. He wonders, for a second, if Jeno would end up falling asleep right there.

And even though Renjun is still concentrating on his painting, on the drawing he's trying to come to life on Jeno's back, he still slips into that quiet mind space when he's totally immersed in something he's creating. For the moment, there's only him and the lines he's making, the colors he's putting together and blending, using them to create sharp contrasts and make a form. There's only him and the art that it's growing, transforming, becoming something he isn't sure yet of what it is.

He doesn't think. His hands move on their own and he only adds more color, uses a little more water here and there, tries to wipe away some of the paint that doesn’t let him satisfied with the final product. His mind is focused on the artwork, on the zone he made for himself there where the only thing that matters is to externalize a piece that's getting a shape inside his mind.

So when Jeno sneezes, Renjun startles so bad he almost falls from the bed, the palette dipping dangerously close to the sheets before he can regain his balance and prevent a mess from happening.

"Oops," Jeno says, a laugh present on his tone, his shoulders shaking slightly as he tries to hold it back.

Renjun can't find in himself to be mad. It's Jeno's bed so it's his sheets who'd suffer, but Jeno's silent laugh is enough to bring a smile to his lips and Renjun shakes his head, totally endeared.

"A big mess almost happened here," he says, as casually as he can, as if his heart wasn't racing so much. Suddenly he realizes what's happening. That's Jeno right there. Jeno shirtless and laying on his bed, allowing Renjun to pain on his muscled back. Renjun swallows heavily, pressing his paintbrush with maybe a little more force than what was necessary. "But you can relax—I saved the entire day just now. Your sheets are thaking me, I can hear their voices."

This makes Jeno chuckle. Renjun can almost imagine the look on his face. "I'm sure you did, the—" he gets cut off by another sneeze, and this time Renjun saw that coming, so he held the palette tight and put the paintbrush away from Jeno's skin to not ruin his painting. "The weather is changing," he says. "My allergies are kinda acting up now."

"I can see that. And hear too."

Jeno snorts, but he keeps himself in place, his head pillowed by one arm. If Renjun looks away from his painting to gaze at Jeno's biceps, then there wasn't anyone around him to call him out on that.

"Are you close?" Jeno asks after a while, his voice sounding low in the silence of the room.

Renjun hums. "Almost. Thank you for doing this, though. I don't know how long it took, but it must have been a long time."

"Not a problem. I think I dozed off there for a while,” Jeno says. “This is actually very relaxing. You should try it sometime."

Renjun lifts one eyebrow, the corner of his lip curling up. An image flashes in his mind: Renjun getting a cramp on his arm from trying to reach his back while holding a mirror and trying to do his best. "Try? And how could that even happen? I can’t paint my own back."

Jeno doesn't turn because he can't, but he still tries to move his head enough to catch Renjun's eyes when he says, "Well, of course I’d be the one painting. Who else would be doing that?”

* * *

Later, when Renjun has finished his painting and has taken all the pictures he wants of it, Jeno lazily sits up, stretching his arms and neck, and groans out loud. "Ouch, I'm all sore—not that I'm complaining about it," he adds quickly, looking to see Renjun's reaction, but Renjun only nods with his head to indicate he may continue. "Can I do it on you now? While mine is drying?"

Renjun falters, but he gathers himself in the last second. Jeno turns around fully, his body in display, and Renjun makes sure to keep looking at Jeno's eyes and not let his gaze slip down to Jeno's abs and toned chest. Definitely tries hard.

Sporting only a gentle smile, with his eyes bright, Jeno waits for him and Renjun nods, gathering his paints from the floor and dropping them upon the bed. "I'm not taking my shirt off, though," he adds quickly, pushing his arm in Jeno's direction. "You can—uhh—you can try on...my arm...?" he finishes unsure, tilting his head a little to the side.

Jeno smiles wide. "Okay." He smears paint on the palette, throwing random colors until he seems satisfied with his choices. Renjun looks a little warily at the mess and colors blending on the palette, but he lets Jeno have his fun.

Differently from Renjun, he doesn't create an outline before, doesn't form a plan before he starts to paint — he simply dips the paintbrush into a blob of orange paint and smears it around Renjun's arm, chuckling to himself as he drags the brush to the side.

Renjun watches as Jeno has his fun doing whatever abstract art he's creating, smiling to himself when Jeno bites his own tongue in concentration, furrowing his brows as he tries to draw a straight line, only to smile wide when he manages to achieve what he so much wanted to.

He looks entirely too cute there — even when he's shirtless and... Renjun lets his eyes wander a little bit, swallowing as his gaze rakes across the expansion of Jeno's chest, his stomach, his arms and hands as he gently holds the paintbrush between his fingers.

When Renjun lifts his eyes up to study Jeno's face, Jeno looks at him almost at the same moment, eyes crinkling at the corner as he smiles, nose scrunching up with the motion. Renjun smiles back — something light, soft. He doesn't know if Jeno had seen him watching him, but he doesn't say anything, so Renjun stays quiet too.

In the privacy of Jeno's room, while he carefully holds his arm and paints something random, Renjun feels like they're sharing a moment. It feels delicate, like it could be broken with the wrong move or word, so Renjun stays quiet, watching Jeno smile and giggle to himself when he drops paint all over his white sheets.

* * *

Jeno tries to sketch him back, and what he lacks in precision he makes up with passion.

It's impossible not to smile when Jeno has such a serious expression on his face, looking up from his sketchbook to almost glare at Renjun before going back to drawing, tongue poking out at the corner of his mouth.

Renjun chuckles a little to himself, readjusting his position because of a growing cramp on his shoulders when Jeno makes a disapproving noise.

"No," he says. "Go back to how you were. You _can't_ move."

"But my shoulders are hurting," Renjun tries to argue back, the tone of his voice a little higher than usual. "Come on, Jen, it's just a little bit to the side. It won't even make a difference."

But Jeno is relentless and Renjun tries to power through the slight ache just so Jeno can have a work of art he can be proud of.

It's not always that he models for Jeno, though most of the time they just tend to shift towards something related to the arts — a movie night that ends up with sketchbooks being drawn out and random shapes filling the corners of the pages; random scribbles getting a place on their arms or hands.

Art has always interested him, but now Renjun feels the need to create _more._ He wants to make interesting pieces, wants to try new things, wants to show them to Jeno, and to try the new findings with _him_.

Maybe it had always been there. Maybe those things, these moments that now grab Renjun's attention always existed. But he just finds himself paying more attention to them now.

He spills sugar on the table's surface and draws a random shape in the middle of the spilled pile while eating; Jeno comes later and drags the grains around with his forefinger until he makes what almost resembles a little a star. When Jeno sits next to him, sometimes he traces random shapes on his thigh and Renjun tries to guess what is it — it's their own little game.

Sandwiched between the members, Renjun ignores Donghyuck's pointed look and confused expression when he draws a cloud against the back of Jeno's hand.

"A fish?" Jeno asks, looking outside of the window. Renjun can't see his expression, but he's sure it would be devastatingly adorable; like Jeno always was when he was confused.

Renjun makes a disapproving noise and nudges harder with his finger, repeating the form over and over again.

"A... spoon?"

"God, Jeno, no," Renjun replies, taking a deep breath. "Pay attention."

"I'm paying attention," Jeno retorts, but he stays silent when Renjun repeats it one more time. "Oh! I get it now! A flag!"

Renjun groans out loud, dropping Jeno's hand and letting it fall back hard against his thigh. Jeno dramatically moans, clutching his hand to his chest, and Renjun huffs, looking to the other side — but when he catches Donghyuck's look again he turns to face Jeno instead.

"You're very bad at this."

Jeno shakes his head, narrowing his eyes. "I'm _great_ at this," he says. "You're the bad player here."

Jeno doesn't hesitate. He moves forward, snaking Renjun's hand between his own and using his finger to softly trace a shape on the palm of his hand.

"That's easy," Renjun answers quickly, a proud smile on his face. "A star."

But Jeno shakes his head and chuckles. "No."

Renjun frowns, trying to concentrate on the shape. "A... triangle? Yeah. A triangle."

And still — Jeno only makes a negative sound, repeating the shape again.

From the seat in front of theirs, Jisung speaks up, "Can you guys keep it down? Some people are trying to sleep here."

So absorbed he was in the game, Renjun almost forgot that others were around them. Even though they didn't ask questions, Renjun didn't want to deal with inquiring looks and arched eyebrows.

So he stays quiet, pulling his hand from Jeno's grip and resting it over his thigh. His heart beats a little fast from being called out like that, in front of everyone, and Renjun avoids looking to the side that Donghyuck is.

But Jeno only holds Renjun's hand again. Renjun turns to look at him with a confused expression, a question on the tip of his tongue, but then Jeno continues tracing the shape again and it finally _clicks_ in Renjun's brain.

It's not a star or a triangle, but a heart.

Renjun stares down at his palm, watching Jeno repeat the motion one more time before he drops it. He doesn't look up. He can't do that when his heart is ready to explode, but when Jeno makes to move his hand back, Renjun intertwines their fingers together.

He can't hear anything else at that moment, only the loud thumping of his heart inside his eardrums, and Renjun doesn't know if someone says anything to him or just in general — he's too focused on the feeling of Jeno squeezing their hands together, on the thumb rubbing over the top of his hand in a shy caress.

* * *

They're backstage at a festival and everything is a mess — it's full of people running around, too many loud noises, too much visual stimulation. They had finished the dry rehearsal a long time ago and Renjun was starting to get tired of watching random videos on his phone when a staff put her head inside the dressing room and said: "Change of schedules. You guys will go up in forty minutes."

It was a mess from there on. Too many people doing too many things at the same time; someone giving him a shirt while someone did his eye make-up and tried to style his hair.

When Renjun can finally take a deep breath and look around himself, he's with a familiar marker in his hand and Jeno is finishing having his shirt buttoned up. Renjun waits for him, by the little chair in the corner of the room, where they won't bother the staff and assistants running around, trying to do their job with the rest of the boys.

Before Jeno can get closer to him, Renjun is given his lip ring by a staff that almost seems to vanish right after, and Renjun quickly puts it on, catching a glance at his reflection before he turns around; all their outfits are still the same dark, almost grungy looking, that they used to promote the title track. The dark smudged make-up and fake tattoos are all back, together with the fake piercings.

It's been a while since they performed the song, and when Jeno comes closer to him, Renjun gulps.

They've been dancing around each other for a long time, and though nothing has changed much, Renjun can't help but feel as if things _have changed_. Jeno didn't use to look at him with such a heavy gaze, to search for his touch as much as he does nowadays — nor did he. Renjun is aware of how much he likes to spend time around Jeno, to talk about everything and anything, to just be close to him.

And if he daydreams once or twice about kissing him, then it's no one's business but his own.

There have been changes in their dynamic and no one could deny that but, at the same time, it's like they're just pretending that nothing is happening. And that just drives him mad; Renjun wants to shake Jeno by the shoulders and ask him what's happening, what they're doing, but he doesn't want to disturb the fragile balance between them and ruin everything.

So he looks and waits and continues sketching Jeno, tracing the lines on his sketchbook as if he was caressing Jeno's own body. It's the closest he gets to that.

Jeno's neck is bare and he sits on the chair without second thoughts. By now, they're all used to how it all goes — Jeno sits and bares his neck while Renjun draws a tattoo design and the staff thanks him for his help.

But when Jeno sits on the uncomfortable looking chair, he doesn't part his legs this time. Renjun barely lifts an eyebrow, uncapping the marker.

"Make space for me," he says, nudging Jeno's foot with his own. "Or I can't reach your neck."

The corner of Jeno's lips quirks up a little. He looks up at Renjun from where he's sitting, eyes all lined with dark eyeshadow and smudged red lip tint on his mouth. "Sit here, it's easier," he says, patting his thighs.

Renjun quickly glances down at Jeno's lap. "Are you... uh... okay with that?" He asks, looking Jeno in the eye. He wants to avoid his gaze, but Renjun feels like there's a force that makes him look at Jeno.

"I did offer..." Jeno says, but then he breaks eye contact, looking to the side. "It's okay if you don't feel comfortable with it—”

Before Jeno could continue talking, Renjun clears his throat and sits down on his lap, making Jeno stop himself in the middle of his sentence, words dying before they could leave his mouth.

Renjun tries not to shift around too much, too aware of everything that's happening. There are layers and layers between them, but Renjun almost feels like his thighs are burning from being in contact with Jeno's body — as if he could feel the ghost of Jeno's warmth and touch.

Jeno leans his head back, eyes staring up at the ceiling, and Renjun leans forward as he gulps. He places one of his hands on Jeno's shoulders to keep himself balanced, shifting a little to get more comfortable, but then he gets closer to Jeno's face, concentrating on drawing the fake tattoo.

Being that close to Jeno makes his heart race against his ribcage, makes his hands sweat, but Renjun tries to remember they're in a room together with a lot of people and just before a performance — there's nothing intimate or with second intentions that could happen there, he tries to reason with himself. He's only helping his member.

Renjun bites his lower lip, nibbling on the fake lip ring as he focuses on the swirls and shading of his drawing, clutching Jeno's shoulder tighter as he leans closer, trying to get a better look at what's he's doing and to make sure his lines are as precise as he'd want them to be.

"It looks good on you," Jeno mumbles, making Renjun stop his movements immediately. Jeno's Adam's apple moves when he talks, and Renjun freezes in fear of ruining his drawing. Jeno spoke with a lower voice, chest rumbling, and Renjun feels his fingers tingling from all of that.

"What looks good?" He asks after a second, licking over his lips and nibbling at his lip ring again, trying to keep his eyes focused on the curve of Jeno's neck, on the design he's making.

"The lip thingy... The piercing," Jeno says, and Renjun finally lifts his gaze up, meeting Jeno's eyes. He feels his body heating up with the heavy look Jeno sports — especially with the dark make-up he has on, making him look all mysterious and intimidating.

"Oh."

The reaction is automatic — Renjun licks over his lower lip, feeling the cold of the metal, and bites down. He sees the moment Jeno looks down from his face, following the path of his tongue, the way he bit his lip, before he looks up again, meeting Renjun's eye for a brief second before he closes his eyes, arching his neck a little more.

"It does," Jeno replies, voice a little hoarse. His eyes are closed tight and Renjun almost thinks he might be biting the inside of his cheek by the way his voice sounds out. "You do look good with it."

Renjun shifts a bit more. "Thanks."

He takes a deep breath before he goes back to the drawing, but something warm in the bottom of this stomach spills out and takes all over his body, enveloping his form, and Renjun can only flush in place as he continues to move the marker around. Jeno isn't looking at him; he has his eyes closed, but Renjun feels _seen_. Vulnerable, in a way.

Jeno's arms hang by his side, not touching him, but Renjun can only think about how it would feel if Jeno's hands were splayed open on his thighs, if Jeno dug his fingers into the soft skin and held on tight as Renjun continued his drawing.

Just the thought of that makes him feel even more flushed, but Renjun doesn't say anything — they're backstage. Things are happening. It isn't time for any thoughts like that.

So Renjun does the next best thing he can: he takes a deep breath in and cradles Jeno's face, using it to guide and move him around. Jeno lets out a little noise of surprise, but he doesn't open his eyes or says anything, only tilting his head even more back and letting himself be led by Renjun's hand.

Renjun stares hard at him, looking up from his drawing to see if he's with his eyes open or closed in random moments, but every time he looks up Jeno is still with his eyes closed. He wonders if Jeno can feel him staring just like he does with him.

* * *

The next time they're performing at another random festival, Renjun isn't the one who does Jeno's fake tattoo.

They have more time now, more staff to help them, so when Renjun approaches them and asks around for the marker, one of the make-up assistants only shakes her head and says, "We'll deal with this today. Don't worry, dear. Thank you for offering your help, though" and Renjun can only smile politely and nod his head.

He gets into his outfit, has his make-up and hair done, and gets all his fake piercings delivered to him. This time he doesn't get to have any fake tattoos, but he sees that Jisung is the one getting a big dragon design that wraps all over his arms and shoulders.

From the other side of the room, Jeno looks at him with his neck tattoo already done, just finishing putting the fake piercings on his ears and gluing some on his face. Renjun sends a small smile in his direction, receiving back a quick one before Jeno needs to turn to the side and finish his make-up.

Renjun tilts his head a little to the side, watching Jeno when he's not looking. He feels like there's an invisible force that keeps making him look and float around Jeno, wanting to be close to him at any given moment. It just fills his lungs with something sweet, something light, something that threatens to spill out from his lips and it feels too much like the little heart Jeno had drawn on the back of his hand the other day.

Renjun can't help but think too much about it. About their little painting and sketching dates. To all the touches they shared in the last few weeks, to overthink any interaction they've had. Renjun can't help but fill his mind with even more Jeno, but he doesn't mind it _that_ much — it's Jeno and that's all that matters.

When the staff lets him go, Jeno immediately locks his eyes with him and smiles wide. He points to his lip and Renjun furrows his brow before he understands what he means. Renjun lets out a small chuckle before he licks over the metal, nibbling at it, looking straight back at Jeno while he does that.

* * *

It drives him mad and it seems like it's the only thing he can think about. Renjun wants nothing more but to feel Jeno's touch; and not in an innocent, friendly way. He wants something with intent, something all-encompassing and full of desire.

And he can see that Jeno looks at him too. He has caught Jeno looking at him more than he could remember, only to turn his face away when he's caught —and if Jeno has been caught all those times, Renjun can't help but wonder how much Jeno is actually looking then.

There's a tension brimming between them, something that makes Renjun feel agitated, restless, body thrumming with all the possibilities and what-ifs.

At their dorm, when they don't have a schedule to fill their days, they watch some movies together. Do some things. Jeno only touches him carefully — a brush of his hand to get more popcorn, a bump on his shoulder, a tapping on his arm to call his attention. He's careful not to cross any lines, Renjun can see that clearly. But Renjun also can't help but think they're well past that. They've already crossed some very important lines, he thinks, and the limbo they're stuck in doesn't make him feel happy at all.

All that he wants is to kiss Jeno. To feel Jeno's touch. To have something more than just friendly touches and a confused atmosphere hanging over them. He wants answers.

"Talk with him," Jaemin says one day, sitting by Renjun's side on the couch, attention on the phone in his hands. "I know Jeno like the palm of my hand, so that's why I tell you this: talk with him. You're miserable, he's hesitating. So just _talk_."

Renjun swallows heavily. There's a drama playing on the TV but he has no idea what it is about. "I don't wanna make things weird between us."

Jaemin snorts, without looking away from the device, fingers tapping fastly on the screen. "You guys are already doing this by just dragging around whatever is happening." Jaemin finally looks away from his phone, fixing a look at Renjun. "What do you _want_?"

The answer fills his mind in a heartbeat and there's no doubt inside his body about what it is — he wants Jeno. And he wants to know if Jeno wants him too.

* * *

Nothing changes even though Renjun sometimes wishes it did. He’s afraid of speaking up and messing everything around, but he tries to remind himself that Jeno _did_ initiate lots of things. It wasn’t as one-sided as his mind sometimes made it look like.

He wants to talk. He wants to make things clear with Jeno. And he wants to kiss him. But Renjun stays quiet, biting the inside of his cheek every time he sees Jeno’s crinkled eye smile and gentle laughter threw in his direction. Renjun wishes but his fear speaks up louder, so he holds himself back and stays with the drawings in his sketchbook, looking at Jeno’s form from the corner of his eye while he longs to reach his hand out to him.

There are movie nights where they barely talk beside making fun of the dumb decisions made by the characters. There are silent mornings where they exchange a warm smile over steaming cups of coffee while the smell of food fills the entire kitchen. There are evenings in which they share small talk over a calm playlist that plays in the background, the sound of papers rustling almost being muffled over their voices as they talk about nothing and everything while sketching something random.

Sometimes Jeno falls asleep in the middle of the drawing process and Renjun can only smile, shaking his head for a second before he continues, turning the lights off and leaving a new drawing on Jeno’s side table before he leaves him alone to sleep. Sometimes Renjun is watching a movie, bright lights making his eyes burn, but when he blinks again the room is almost all dark and there’s only a night lamp on, the movie already finished and the laptop turned off, and his head is resting on Jeno’s shoulder, a finger gently caressing the top of his knuckles.

It makes him feel all warm inside, something sweet and thick that runs through his veins and fills him all up with that dizzying sensation. And if he snuggles a bit more against Jeno’s shoulder, letting the other boy embrace him before he falls into a deep sleep, then that was something only for him and Jeno to know.

In the morning, when he wakes up alone, it’s easy to play it all as something that was part of his dreams. Maybe Jeno hugged him back, maybe he didn’t. Under the sunlight, Jeno only looks at him from afar and is full of shy touches even though he doesn’t avoid his gaze.

And Renjun finally, _finally_ , realizes that if he wants something — anything, really — he’s going to have to do something. He’ll have to swallow down his fear and be the one to take the first step forward.

In another movie night that turned into something different, Jeno is playing around with Renjun’s iPad, playfully trying to sketch him and not letting Renjun get a glimpse of his drawing until Jeno deems it’s good enough.

“Just let me help you,” Renjun tries to argue, tilting his head to the side so he could try to see what was being drawn. “You could be using the wrong brushes. Are you even using different layers? Do you know how to do that?” 

But Jeno, probably already knowing what Renjun would try to do, only lifts the iPad to his chest, completely blocking Renjun’s view.

“Come on,” Renjun whines. “Let me see and help you. You improved a lot, but still need to work on your perspective.”

“It’s okay,” Jeno says, laughing it off. “You taught me a lot and I watched half a tutorial last week. I think I’m pretty good already. Maybe even halfway there to grab your ‘ _artist_ ’ title.”

Renjun moves a little around on the bed, sitting on the top of his knees, in front of Jeno. After a bit of whining (and maybe Renjun tries to bat his eyelashes, but just a _little bit_ ), Jeno relents and lets Renjun have a look. The proportions are a bit off and it’s a rough drawing, but Renjun knows that Jeno had _really_ tried — even if Renjun doesn’t really have a triangle for a nose and his eyes are two very different sizes, it still makes him smile when he sees the sketch, even if he teases Jeno a bit about it all.

"It's all about the angle you're seeing it from," Jeno tries to say, but Renjun only laughs harder when Jeno tries to add some shading and ends up giving him a full beard.

Seeing how Renjun was glad about the end result, Jeno mutters about giving him some bows for his beard and draws some little flowers among the hairs, eyes crinkled as he keeps laughing in delight at every other little detail he adds to his drawing.

Renjun is very endeared with it all, watching with amusement as Jeno seems to get more and more excited with every passing second, chuckling about something Renjun doesn’t fully get because he can’t stop looking at Jeno. Jeno with his shiny eyes and deep laugh, joy radiating from his form as he holds the iPad tight and tries to create some new, innovative way of making fun of Renjun. Jeno with his soft and gentle ways, who looks up to make sure Renjun is still laughing and the joke hasn’t crossed any lines. Jeno who just makes Renjun want to kiss him so, _so_ bad.

So Renjun does exactly that.

He leans forward, resting his hand on Jeno’s knee, and brushes his lips against Jeno’s for barely a second before he pulls back, heart stuck on his throat.

The silence hangs heavy between them and Renjun barely swallows, feeling his mouth too dry. He clears his throat, looking down at the bed, and takes his hand away from Jeno’s knee, "I'm sorry—" he starts to talk, his voice faltering, but Jeno, then, surges forward, placing his hand on Renjun's nape and bringing him forward again.

Jeno’s lips are soft and sweet and Renjun can’t help but giggle against them, feeling the warm breath on his face as Jeno does the same. Jeno kisses him softly, tenderly, his hand on the back of Renjun’s neck nothing but something light and gentle.

"Okay?" Jeno mutters against his lips when they break apart, blinking, and looking at Renjun with wide eyes, lips red.

Renjun gulps. Nods just a little bit. “Yeah," he whispers. Speaking out loud, something more than a whisper, seemed wrong. Like it could break the delicate dynamic woven there. “Should… should we talk about this?"

Jeno brushes their lips together once more, nothing more than an innocent peck, but it’s enough to make Renjun close his eyes and chase after Jeno’s mouth.

"I just wanna kiss you more," Jeno says, voice a little hoarse, a little heavy.

Renjun hums, his lips curling up just a little bit. He still has his eyes closed, but he can imagine Jeno clearly on his mind — eyes looking directly at him, deep and full of feelings, little stars inside his gaze. “Okay..." he says, humming again when Jeno finally closes the distance between them, making Renjun smile against his mouth as he encircles his arms around Jeno’s neck, pulling him into a deeper kiss he so much longed for.

* * *

Nothing seems to change and that makes Renjun takes a deep, relieved breath. The only visible difference now is that instead of just _looking_ at Jeno and wanting to do something, he can just walk up to him and kiss him. Just because he wants to.

Jeno accepts him with open arms every time, nose scrunching up as he laughs, but he easily indulges Renjun and gives him as many kisses as he asks for.

Renjun doesn’t avoid his gaze. Doesn’t run away from his thoughts. He looks at Jeno and draws; he runs his hands over Jeno’s form, mapping the curves and lines of his body before he transfers them to paper.

Maybe the drawing and sketching sessions now involved a lot more touching and took a longer time to end, but Jeno doesn’t complain about it, so Renjun just continues.

Renjun saves every little detail from Jeno that he can, just so he can draw them later, recollecting from his memory. And, when he closes his eyes and his fingers aren’t moving, when he isn’t sure how to proceed, Jeno is right there on his side to make him remember how it all is.

Art had always been a big part of his life, but Jeno seemed to make something else bloom, and Renjun would be ashamed of the number of sketches of Jeno he had laying around if he wasn’t too busy painting more or getting lost in Jeno’s kisses.

In a way, Jeno had become his muse. And Renjun was very okay with that.

* * *

Underneath the sheets and with the window open, a cold breeze slipping inside the room and making the curtains flow a little, Renjun only snuggles against his pillow, cheek squished against the soft material as the beginning of sleep starts to involve his mind.

He can feel the soft sheets against his side, can feel the weight of Jeno’s leg that’s thrown over him, can feel the tips of Jeno’s fingers as they trace what — at first — seems like random patterns underneath his shirt, right above his hip.

The answer clicks inside his brain and Renjun sleepily mutters a “ _Star_ ”, words all slurred and hard to understand.

Behind him, Jeno only chuckles, making the hairs on the back of Renjun’s neck raise, shivers running through his body. “Go to sleep,” Jeno says, so softly, so quietly, that Renjun almost doesn’t hear it.

“Okay,” he mumbles, words almost dying on his lips before they can all get out. “I’m sleeping.”

Jeno snorts a little, his fingers still caressing over his hip, lulling Renjun into a peaceful state of mind. And Renjun tries to cling to the part of his brain that’s still awake, to make out what Jeno is doing. It seems like random patterns, but Renjun recognizes some of them as random objects or the usual things they’d randomly draw.

_A Cloud. Triangle. Heart. Flower._

There’s something more, something new, and Renjun knows it isn’t something random because Jeno does it with purpose — he doesn’t hesitate or hums like he usually does when he’s lost or trying to come up with something to trace; his moves are determined and unafraid.

Renjun furrows his brows a little, trying to discern what all those strokes could mean until his brain makes up the image of what Jeno’s repeating over and over again. _Huang. Ren. Jun. Huang Renjun._

His name, over and over again, just like a kid would do with their first crush, doodling on the back of their notebook. Renjun bites the inside of his cheek, trying not to let Jeno know he’s still awake and aware of his every move, but Jeno could always read him clearly, and there’s no doubt in Renjun’s mind that Jeno is aware that he’s not asleep yet.

His name repeats a few more times, quickly changing to a random tree. The sun. Until Jeno’s fingers make the strokes of something else — the shapes of _“I love you”_ makes his skin tingle and burn, but Renjun can only sigh and smile against his pillow as Jeno keeps repeating it over and over again.

**Author's Note:**

> [ [twt](https://twitter.com/pinkhrj) | [ccat](https://curiouscat.me/rensungie) ]


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